


Let Us

by ihavetodothis, NastyBitch



Category: Punk'd (TV), ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: F/M, M/M, but he is in our hearts, dying of old age, jesus christ is not in this fic, rohan kitchen is tired of this buffoonery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23539120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihavetodothis/pseuds/ihavetodothis, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NastyBitch/pseuds/NastyBitch
Summary: Josuke is attacked by a stand and needs Rohan's help...or is he?
Relationships: Higashikata Josuke (JoJo: Diamond is Unbreakable)/Kishibe Rohan, Mila Kunis/Ashton Kutcher, josuke higashikata/lettuce
Kudos: 9





	Let Us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dark_Ennis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Ennis/gifts).



> Hi guys! First jojo's fic so I hope you like it! Please leave constructive criticism uwu ~

What a windy day it was…!!! And our protagonist, Josuke Hospital, had flown in from his house right onto Rohan’s porch, smelling :( of lettuce :(

“No, “ Rohan denies, spinning around in a circle and landing a pose, as his choreographer had warned him against not greeting people properly.

“But Rohannn !” Josuke cries, lettuce flying from his nipple zippers and onto Rohan. A stand attack! “Help me fight this head of lettuce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Oh, god, o h fuck.” Rohan cries, the lettuce lap up the tears from his eyes with their green tongues. They are  _ thirsty _ .

“I know how we can fix this.”

Josuke was horny. He too was  _ thirsty _ .

He shoves all the lettuce into his pants and wails…

“Ohhh My gdod!!!! Somebody will need to observe this lettuce…!”

He winks at Rohan and Rohan falls to the ground in disagreement.

“No, no, no. No, Josuke. Not this again. It is NoT the Time.”

But no, the lettuce do not stop with Rohan’s cries. They begin to stroke Josuke’s 420 kilo cock. It was time for them to drink Josuke’s cum, as they are very very thirsty lettice.   
  
“Josuke releases hi s load instantly, the lettuce drink up his ball juice with eagerness. Rohan watches from the floor of his porch in horror.   
  
“Josuke,,,,”   
  
“OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YESS! ROHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

There is a shaking, and a trembling. And suddenly the ground underneath them cracks and opens up, like a canyonn. Joseph Joestar speeds in on his wheelchair from the Earth’s blistering core, one hundred hearing aids in his hands but not in his ears.

“Let US??? Let us WHAT????” he asks, but upon seeing his son, who he is oh so proud of, fucking lettuce, he winces and sobs into his hankerchief. “Oh….no…..” he says sadly.

“NigerundaYo…….” he weeps, and Smokey extends his hand from the Heavens, beckoning him forward into the pearly white gates of God and DIO himself .

“Yes, my brother, it is tiem.” he cries to Smokey and blasts off into the next life with a tip of his hat, all of his eyebrows blowing haphazardly in the very very windy day.

Suddenly, Johnny Joestar was there.   
  
“Howdy, fellas, what’s up here?? ??? He takes the cum-coated lettuce, and hands it off to Gyro, who is riding two horses stacked together.”   
  
Gyro sniffs.   
  
“This is………..”   
  
“What is it, Gyro?”   
  
“This is………. Josuke Higashikata’s cum covered lettuce!!!!”   
  
“GASP” Johnny said, taking the lettuce back and stuffing it into his socks. “Wew’re going to be riche!!!”

Just then, Ashton Kutcher is there and he kicks Johnny right into the asshole, making him to tumble down the stairs. Rohan is holding a camera and positively filled to the brim with laughing.

“You guys….jsut got PUNK’D!!!!!” Ashton says, Mila Coochie hanging onto his arm like a radiant damsel from a faraway sea.

Josuke looks at Ashton Kutcher, Mila Coochie, Johnny Joestar, Gyro Zeppeli, and says……………. “Hey,,,,,,,,,,, wAIT you guys aren’t in part 4.”

“Oh sorry,” they all say, at the exact same time.

They are flushed away into their correct universes.

Rohan, still laughing, picks up his waterhose and sprays Josuke at max squart. “GET OFF MY YARD!!!!!!!!!!!! THISRTY BOY!!!!”

That was when Josuke realized how much of their lives had passed them by, in this little old town they called home. How many years they spent on this porch, with their grandchildren singing all the Grandpappy songs happily, their dogs barking away into the night. This was where they lived. And this is where they will die.

“Wow….you will die soon. We are both 97 years young and looking fresh as a newborn piglet,” Josuke says, sitting in his rocking chair with a pipe in his mouth.

Rohan stuffs more spinach into his own pipe ( sorry I can’t say drugs because that’s illegall!!!! uwuu) and suddenly he is also eating apple pie.

“Yeahh, I reckon we have lived a good life here since we did.”

Jotaro stole Charlie Brown’s catchphrase and he will be tried in a court of law.

The End.

Also, Araki is probably gay.


End file.
